Swallow me Jesus

I want to see Jesus. It's so difficult to see Jesus.

Sometimes I see Him, no I see the work He does in someone's life. Someone called on Jesus. Someone's life touched by Jesus. Someone testifying about Jesus, committing to Jesus, talking Jesus. I rejoice and I weep and I thank Him. But then I weep again because the person stop talking/showing the work/s of Jesus in his or her life. I sigh, I grieve, I get upset, I am disappointed with them, with myself...with Jesus as well. Why doesn't He do more in the person's life so that I can see His reality, His love and His power.

I can't see much Jesus in myself. I wish to see more Jesus in me. I want Him to take over but it seems like He is not. There is so much me inside of me.

I want to see Jesus. I want someone to show me Jesus, I want to see someone being Jesus, Jesus doing - I want to hear Jesus speaking, not just someone speaking about Jesus.

Today at the Cafe, across the table, Nellie, myself and this person: someone let Jesus out of his life while talking to us - here and there. He knows he is imperfect. But the Jesus in him was perfect. I felt Jesus loving me through him, i hear Jesus speaking, comforting, assuring me, answering my quest and my questions. This person kept directing me back to Jesus: And he shows the Jesus in me - probably a small Jesus in me - because there's still so much of me in me. But this Jesus is not small - He's BIG. Can I allow Him to swallow me up?

I did not see His finished work. I tried, i am trying so hard, so not very hard
...I have to stop trying. it's not about me, it's about Him.

My Father, my friend, my healer, my joy, my strength, my security, my identity.

Thank you brother for showing me Jesus. Thank you Jesus for showing yourself.